My night eating Twinkies with the Blue Man Group

It’s my first time seeing The Blue Man Group, and I’m not sure what to expect. Going in, I’m thinking there will just be three blue men, a light show, a lot of percussion, some awkward moves and blank stares at the audience. 

My date, Matt, and I find our seats about 20 rows back from the stage; I’m sitting along the aisle. The show begins with the Blue Men banging on drums with splashing paint. They’re throwing paint balls at each other, catching them in their mouths and spewing the paint back out of their mouths. OK, so pretty normal so far. 

In only 45 minutes, they’ve started throwing things at the audience, playing with giant iPhones and playing strange, industrial-looking instruments. Then, the Blue Men change it up. They’re walking through the crowd, literally, on the back of seats and atop arm rests, placing their hands on audience members’ heads to balance. And they’re heading my way. 

Two rows in front of me, a mother and toddler giggle when all three men stop to stare at them, perplexed and awkward. Suddenly, I look up and all three are staring at me. I am confused and unsure of their next move, but before I can think about it any further, they continue on, heading back a few rows and continuing with the awkward blue-eyed stares. 

I'm intrigued to see what happens next, and just when I think they’re headed back on stage to bang on some more PVC trombones, they grab my hand and pull me to my feet. Am I just going to stand here for a minute? Nope. As they lead me closer to the stage, I realize I'm in for a real treat. 

They sit me down at a table and strap me into a giant plastic chest guard with an apron below. Turning on a boom box, we all bob our heads, lights blaring down on me. I can't see anyone out there, but oh boy, I know they can see me! 

All of a sudden, a gelatin mold is catapulted into the audience, and the Blue Men are pulling out Twinkies, handing one to me, too. Oh no, are they going to make me eat this? When can I tell them I'm vegan, and I don't eat Twinkies?! 

I proceed to open all four packages and pass them down to each Blue Man, because apparently these alien men don't know how to open Twinkies. We all have forks and knives, and we cut up and eat little bites. We exchange strange googlie-eyed looks, their affirmation of what to do or waiting for me to figure it all out -- I'm not entirely sure. We feed each other; a Blue Man feeds me a bite of Twinkie. 

Then holes in their chest start to spew liquid Twinkie, as does mine, the plastic chest piece coming into play. It's squirting full force and I'm squealing and laughing. I lean back and squirt this projectile "goo" at the first few rows of the audience. 

A Blue Man scrapes up a bit of their 'vomit' and places it in a Chinese to-go box with a bow; how thoughtful, a present for me. The crowd applauds as they escort me to the stairs of the stage and snap a photo. 

Laughing, I return to my seat, still trying to figure out what just happened. The rest of the show is just as fun, with more audience interaction. Afterward, we leave the Times-Union Center with the best souvenir a girl could ask for, the Polaroid picture, while overhearing fellow audience members say, "Hey, that's the Twinkie Girl!" It was an unforgettable night for sure! 

Original post here written for the Florida Times Union.