Grumble grumble grumble

I'm in a real funk tonight. Horrible mood. Feeling hopeless. Hating everything. No motivation to do anyyything. Ugh. Stirring up old memories and crying for hours are not my idea of a pleasant evening. And my back hurts like hell.

On top of everything happening in my life right now, I'm really sick and can barely move without pain. I'm taking medication but it doesn't seem to be helping. I need to just dive into my work and sew for the next week. Starting tomorrow that is. I have the two little ones in the morning so I'll have to delicately balance my day to maximize time.

Tonight I'm just cleaning my mess of a room. Packing up memories and reminders. I need to start a clutter-free life. Clean slate. I've never been very good at that though, so we'll see how I can handle this. In all my vagueness I still feel like I'm divulging too much for this blog. But I really don't give a shit right now. Maybe I should just start a normal journal but my penmanship is atrocious, and I should save my hands for sewing. Plus I'm just too lazy to sit and write. I just read through journals from years ago and the tears were coming down like rain. Packing that in a box that will not be opened for years... check.

God, I can't wait for next week. I'm headed to Las Vegas next Thursday for an extended weekend vacation with friends from college. It'll be nice to get away. I've never been to Vegas. I'm excited to pack cute little cocktail dresses, little ballet flats and cute barrettes. Throw on a little bit of fake tan before I go, and I'll be set!

I'm not big on the idea of getting completely shit-faced and/or gambling. I've never even been into a casino, because I know it'd be trouble with my love of vodka and impulsive nature when I'm drinking... and I assume that is all that Vegas is good for. We'll see. The major plus of the trip is seeing old friends! And I can't wait for that! My good friend, Betsy, bought my plane ticket for me when I told her I couldn't go because I was too broke. She's so sweet. AND my college roommate, Stephanie, will also be there! I can't even remember the last time I saw her.. I think it may have been August 2008, for her birthday. God, I can't believe how time flies.

Time to finish cleaning, read some of my book, and pass out.